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Entry tags:
- and why is he so angry,
- arceus help you all,
- everything is stupid forever,
- here to kick ass and autopsy bodies,
- hit the deck it's agent rosenflower,
- i love you but only like gandhi,
- i'm here the day is saved,
- i've got work to do dammit,
- like sherman in atlanta,
- oh look it's an albert rant™,
- shenanigans are imminent,
- so i heard you like manhugs,
- this is all coop's fault somehow,
- where the hell is my lab,
- ▶ new bark town
001 | New Bark Town | Video;
[Good morning, Johto! Today, for your viewing pleasure, we have...what appears to be the rather dark and damp interior of a Poochyena's mouth, complete with glistening teeth and a tiny smear of drool at the edge of the camera feed. Not a very decent view, but that's okay, because there's plenty of audio to make up for that — and it seems we've tuned in right in the middle of some rather belligerent ranting...]
—ow what kind of game you're playing here, lady, but I have neither the time nor the patience to stand around while some overzealous kitchen marm tries to stuff me full of animal crackers and ship me off to elementary school. I want to know who you are, I want to know where I am, and most importantly I want to know how the hell you got me here to this godforsaken boondocks in the first place. I have plenty of work to do, and I do not have time for your inane prattle. Just give me some answers so I can be on my way.
[There is some background chatter here, which careful listeners may recognize as Mom's standard speech.]
Listen, June Cleaver, I'll make this very clear: I could not care less about these Puggymans you insist on rambling continuously about. The question is simple: where the hell am I?
[More background chatter! Are we sensing a trend?]
Hn. Forget it.
[Footsteps begin to tap across the linoleum, and in response, the camera begins to shake; evidently, the owner of those teeth is trotting over to give her own greeting to this rather angry newcomer to Johto. And it appears, when the footsteps pause, that he's just noticed her.]
What do you want?
[More shaking of the camera, and then suddenly there is bright light and a whole lot of twisting and rotating as the man apparently takes the Gear out of the dog's mouth and turns it over in his hand, twisting it every which way and tapping it as he inspects it. People who get motion sickness, this is really not the video for you.]
...what is this, a toy or some kind of Star Trek — HELLO.
[And hopefully no one had their volume turned up on their gear, because the man holding it is using his Outside Voice as he addresses the microphone that is apparently about three inches away from his face at the moment.]
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR ME, MR. SCOTT?
—ow what kind of game you're playing here, lady, but I have neither the time nor the patience to stand around while some overzealous kitchen marm tries to stuff me full of animal crackers and ship me off to elementary school. I want to know who you are, I want to know where I am, and most importantly I want to know how the hell you got me here to this godforsaken boondocks in the first place. I have plenty of work to do, and I do not have time for your inane prattle. Just give me some answers so I can be on my way.
[There is some background chatter here, which careful listeners may recognize as Mom's standard speech.]
Listen, June Cleaver, I'll make this very clear: I could not care less about these Puggymans you insist on rambling continuously about. The question is simple: where the hell am I?
[More background chatter! Are we sensing a trend?]
Hn. Forget it.
[Footsteps begin to tap across the linoleum, and in response, the camera begins to shake; evidently, the owner of those teeth is trotting over to give her own greeting to this rather angry newcomer to Johto. And it appears, when the footsteps pause, that he's just noticed her.]
What do you want?
[More shaking of the camera, and then suddenly there is bright light and a whole lot of twisting and rotating as the man apparently takes the Gear out of the dog's mouth and turns it over in his hand, twisting it every which way and tapping it as he inspects it. People who get motion sickness, this is really not the video for you.]
...what is this, a toy or some kind of Star Trek — HELLO.
[And hopefully no one had their volume turned up on their gear, because the man holding it is using his Outside Voice as he addresses the microphone that is apparently about three inches away from his face at the moment.]
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR ME, MR. SCOTT?
Action!
...Do I look like a fairy princess?
Action!
You look like you got lost on the way home from the Dark Ages.
Action!
I'm a viking, get it right. [She started to say something else, but then her Axew was suddenly rushing past her to stare up at the newcomer intently from maybe a foot away.]
Come back here!
[He pretty much ignores her.]
Action!
A Viking.
[And he is literally half a second away from heaping another barrage of unpleasantness on top of that, when suddenly — wait, what is this...what. What is it. It's like some kind of miniature lizard in desperate need of dental work...
He casts a glance at the Poochyena following him; oddly, she doesn't seem particularly threatened by this thing, whatever it is, and animal instincts are usually pretty reliable when it comes to predators, so...huh. What the hell.
Clearly he should find a stick and poke it or something. Too bad there aren't any sticks within arm's reach.
Meanwhile, nagging in the back of his mind, he recalls Cooper saying something about dragons...
...oh, hell no.]
This thing is yours?
Action!
[Because duh. And then she shrugs at the question.]
Apparently. He's been following me around since I woke up. Hey!
[This shout gets the Axew's attention, and he twists around to stare at her. She snaps her fingers and he scurries back and plops down next to her...for a moment, before he starts gnawing on a rock.]
You've got one too.
[She must have meant the dog.]
Action!
You let it keep that up, and it's not going to be eating for long.
[Not that he's an expert in Pokemon evolutionary tendencies
yet, but with tusks like that, it's pretty unlikely her thing is a carnivore, and if it breaks out all its teeth on the rock, it won't be grinding down the plants into anything manageable for its digestive system anytime soon.Or so he hypothesizes.]
What, you got whisked off to Never Never Land, too?
Action!
[She would, but keeping up with the chewing habits of a baby pokemon was apparently kind of daunting.]
Yes. I woke up in there two hours ago.
[She thumbs at Mom's house.]
Action!
[Meanwhile, the Poochyena is wagging her tail at this talk of sticks, because she would very much like to chase a stick, actually, and thank you.]
What spiel did she give you?
Action!
Pokemon adventure, this one is mine, here have some pokegear, go see the world.
...I was only half listening, really.
Action!
[Sure you are. BUT MEANWHILE, the Poochyena is going to take off running for a clump of trees, leaving Albert vaguely torn between following (not chasing, just following) after her, or just letting her go.]
You can add "find civilization" to your list. You're not related to Erik the Red, are you?
Action!
[And could fly. She turns to watch the pooch running off, and then sighs as the Axew goes bounding after it. But at least he isn't chewing on the rock for the moment.]
Apparently there's a larger town a few days walk from here.
[Not that Astrid had any experience with towns bigger than this one, really, but she wasn't going to say that.]
Action!
Yeah, on a dirt path through the middle of some uncharted forest. You can play Little Red Riding Hood all you want. I'm waiting for a ride.
Action!
A ride on what? Nothing I've seen is big enough to ride on here.
Action!
Apparently, a big dragon.
[Meanwhile, the Poochyena is busily occupying herself with — OH MY GOD LOOK SHE FOUND A STICK AREN'T YOU PROUD
She'll just come bounding back with it in her teeth to see if y'all are proud.
Please be proud?]Action!
I didn't think anything here was big enough to do that. But I haven't seen one around here that's big enough either way.
[Her Axew has not found a stick. But he's eying the stick the pooch found in perhaps a slightly jealous manner as he bounds back to the pair of them.]
Action!
He takes the stick when it's offered, carefully avoiding the drooly part with a vague scowl.]
What have you seen around here?
[Experimentally, he jabs the end of the stick toward the Axew, showing apparently no hesitation at the prospect of poking someone else's thing.]
Action!
Stop that.
[She hadn't walked very far, she'd spent most of her time mucking with her gear. The Axew narrows his eyes at the poke, and then makes a grab for the stick with his hands and his mouth.]
Action!
[He lets the Axew grab the stick without further complaint, half watching it to see what it does, but also with a sidelong glance at Astrid to see if she'll pick up the part he didn't say — that presumably if their protectors get bigger, then the wildlife will, too.]
Action!
[When the Axew gets the stick he spins in a circle with it, holding it in his hands before bounding over to Astrid. She leans down to take it (after a tiny bit of tug of war) and tosses it into the air once before she throws it across a decent bit away for the Axew to go running after.]
If they're dangerous, they shouldn't have taken my axe away. [She mutters.]But we're supposed to...train...these guys. I think they're supposed to fight off the squirrels and stuff for us.
Action!
[Not that he's going to be partaking in that anytime soon.]
Or you could just remember that you're roughly fifteen times their size and put your natural advantage to good use.
Action!
I just haven't seen any big ones near here.
Action!
Action!
Are you just going to stand around in this town until someone comes to fetch you?
Action!
It's a brighter idea than venturing off to get lost in the woods.
Action!
There's a road, it looks like.
Action!
Re: Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!