worktodo | 001 | New Bark Town

[Good morning, Johto! Today, for your viewing pleasure, we have...what appears to be the rather dark and damp interior of a Poochyena's mouth, complete with glistening teeth and a tiny smear of drool at the edge of the camera feed. Not a very decent view, but that's okay, because there's plenty of audio to make up for that — and it seems we've tuned in right in the middle of some rather belligerent ranting...]

—ow what kind of game you're playing here, lady, but I have neither the time nor the patience to stand around while some overzealous kitchen marm tries to stuff me full of animal crackers and ship me off to elementary school. I want to know who you are, I want to know where I am, and most importantly I want to know how the hell you got me here to this godforsaken boondocks in the first place. I have plenty of work to do, and I do not have time for your inane prattle. Just give me some answers so I can be on my way.

[There is some background chatter here, which careful listeners may recognize as Mom's standard speech.]

Listen, June Cleaver, I'll make this very clear: I could not care less about these Puggymans you insist on rambling continuously about. The question is simple: where the hell am I?

[More background chatter! Are we sensing a trend?]

Hn. Forget it.

[Footsteps begin to tap across the linoleum, and in response, the camera begins to shake; evidently, the owner of those teeth is trotting over to give her own greeting to this rather angry newcomer to Johto. And it appears, when the footsteps pause, that he's just noticed her.]

What do you want?

[More shaking of the camera, and then suddenly there is bright light and a whole lot of twisting and rotating as the man apparently takes the Gear out of the dog's mouth and turns it over in his hand, twisting it every which way and tapping it as he inspects it. People who get motion sickness, this is really not the video for you.]

...what is this, a toy or some kind of Star Trek — HELLO.

[And hopefully no one had their volume turned up on their gear, because the man holding it is using his Outside Voice as he addresses the microphone that is apparently about three inches away from his face at the moment.]

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR ME, MR. SCOTT?

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Some kid I was talking to said they get a lot bigger.

I just haven't seen any big ones near here.

Maybe you ought to go get started on your grand journey and find out.

I'm going to in the morning. [She eyes him.]

Are you just going to stand around in this town until someone comes to fetch you?

No, I was going to sit around in this town until my ride decides to get his butt down here and get us out of this godforsaken place.

It's a brighter idea than venturing off to get lost in the woods.

[Astrid raises an eyebrow.]

There's a road, it looks like.

Maybe that's what passes for a road by Viking standards. Not for normal people.

[And that gets a glare.]

'Normal' people?

The ones who don't believe they're mighty seafarers from a distant age.

...From where I'm standing you're the weirdo in the funny looking pajama clothes.

[What else would a suit be?]

[CLASSY, thank you very much.]

From where you're standing you can't see over the counter to order a Happy Meal. Which, by the way, is another reason why it's not the brightest of ideas to go for a merry little stroll in the woods.

A what meal? [She bristles. She wasn't that short!] I can take care of myself. I've been training to fight since I was a little kid. It's sort of a viking thing.

Plus I've got him.

[She points out the Axew who is currently romping around with the stick.] ...I guess, anyway.

You are a little kid. And your pipsqueak might be able to fend off the birds and squirrels, but he's not going to do you a lot of good against some of the other dangers of running off for a commune with nature.

I'm sixteen, not some little kid. I've already fought dragons before, I think I can handle whatever is out there.

Besides, you don't know any more than I do what's between here and the next town!

And that's exactly why I'm not running off into the woods like an overeager Boy Scout.

[He shakes his head with exasperation.]

I'm not talking about the wildlife, princess. I'm talking about the nice, simple, everyday things that might just be waiting around to kill you. You have any idea if there's fresh water out there? How about what the local climate's like at night? How to start a fire? What's safe to eat and what's going to leave you incapacitated by the side of the road? So you've fought a dragon. You got anything on you that's going to fight off an infection if you cut yourself? Did it even occur to you to think about the hazards that don't come on four legs?

[Astrid just rolls her eyes.]

Of course I know how to make a fire. And forage for food. And find water. Or fish if I have to. [She's not the biggest fan of dull activities.]

And I'm pretty sure people wouldn't be saying 'just follow the road' if it was actually dangerous. What's the point in dragging us here just to get us eaten by bears or something?

[She has no idea what 'infection' is, so she skips over that.]

[Wow, gee, Astrid, that's really impressive, all except for the part where Albert totally doesn't believe you and is not, in fact, impressed.]

What's the point of dragging us here for any of the other knuckleheaded reasons people have been spouting off? Maybe the bears are hungry.

Someone told me it's a game. I'm not sure exactly what they mean, but...the little pokemon things get stronger, and you have to keep fighting other, stronger ones.

[No, she doesn't think it makes a lot of sense, but with what she's seen so far, it makes more sense than the other stuff she can come up with.]

001 | New Bark Town | Video;

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