worktodo | 001 | New Bark Town

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001 | New Bark Town | Video;

[Good morning, Johto! Today, for your viewing pleasure, we have...what appears to be the rather dark and damp interior of a Poochyena's mouth, complete with glistening teeth and a tiny smear of drool at the edge of the camera feed. Not a very decent view, but that's okay, because there's plenty of audio to make up for that — and it seems we've tuned in right in the middle of some rather belligerent ranting...]

—ow what kind of game you're playing here, lady, but I have neither the time nor the patience to stand around while some overzealous kitchen marm tries to stuff me full of animal crackers and ship me off to elementary school. I want to know who you are, I want to know where I am, and most importantly I want to know how the hell you got me here to this godforsaken boondocks in the first place. I have plenty of work to do, and I do not have time for your inane prattle. Just give me some answers so I can be on my way.

[There is some background chatter here, which careful listeners may recognize as Mom's standard speech.]

Listen, June Cleaver, I'll make this very clear: I could not care less about these Puggymans you insist on rambling continuously about. The question is simple: where the hell am I?

[More background chatter! Are we sensing a trend?]

Hn. Forget it.

[Footsteps begin to tap across the linoleum, and in response, the camera begins to shake; evidently, the owner of those teeth is trotting over to give her own greeting to this rather angry newcomer to Johto. And it appears, when the footsteps pause, that he's just noticed her.]

What do you want?

[More shaking of the camera, and then suddenly there is bright light and a whole lot of twisting and rotating as the man apparently takes the Gear out of the dog's mouth and turns it over in his hand, twisting it every which way and tapping it as he inspects it. People who get motion sickness, this is really not the video for you.]

...what is this, a toy or some kind of Star Trek — HELLO.

[And hopefully no one had their volume turned up on their gear, because the man holding it is using his Outside Voice as he addresses the microphone that is apparently about three inches away from his face at the moment.]

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR ME, MR. SCOTT?

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Everyone can hear you.

[Hey look, there's a viking teenager standing outside near an open window, a skeptical expression on her face. She had been sitting outside when she'd heard the...commotion...and decided to take a look.]

The whole town.

[Ugh. Get a real job, you washed-up shut-in. B| ]

"A video game or something." That's great. You wanna tell me how to get my quarter back?

[Well, he might as well venture outside and see what's up; no point in standing around in Mom's house, even if the alternative doesn't seem any more attractive. His Poochyena at his heels, he pushes the door open and heads outside to get a better look at the owner of the voice from the window —

...Oh, you've got to be kidding.]

So who're you, the fairy princess?

It's not that kind of video game...but you're stuck here. For a while.

[Astrid actually looks down at herself at that statement. Leather shoulderpad, leather spike-covered skirt, big boots, leggings, skull belt. What.]

...Do I look like a fairy princess?

Once you've been here awhile, the sparkliness wears off.

_{[Yes, Albert, have ALL THE PEOPLE talking to you at once.]}

Anyway, point is, don't need to yell. We can aaaaaaall hear you and your delicate sensibilities loud and clear.

[...Kid, you don't want to know what he thinks you look like. Unfortunately, you asked, so now you have to hear it anyway.]

You look like you got lost on the way home from the Dark Ages.

[Well, that means nothing to her, considering she's probably from the dark ages, technologically speaking.]

I'm a viking, get it right. [She started to say something else, but then her Axew was suddenly rushing past her to stare up at the newcomer intently from maybe a foot away.]

Come back here!

[He pretty much ignores her.]

Oh, boy, now we're getting somewhere.

[It would help if your tone wasn't dripping with sarcasm there, Albert.]

So do tell, O guru of specificity: how long is "awhile"?

A while, I don't know! I don't think anyone has died yet.

[That's okay, he has more than enough RAEG for all of you.

And then some.

Basically if you could turn sheer annoyance into a power source, Albert would be solving America's energy crisis right about now.]

What I need to do is get the hell out of this boondocks and back to a place whose local population has evolved somewhere past hunter/gatherer status. If you know where that is, feel free to share with the class.

Oh, even better. Now I'm out of a job, too.

_{[Henry falls silent for a long moment as he turns that over in his head.]}

Are you a coroner?

[Well, hey, Albert always has had a knack for being right.]

A Viking.

[And he is literally half a second away from heaping another barrage of unpleasantness on top of that, when suddenly — wait, what is this...what. What is it. It's like some kind of miniature lizard in desperate need of dental work...

He casts a glance at the Poochyena following him; oddly, she doesn't seem particularly threatened by this thing, whatever it is, and animal instincts are usually pretty reliable when it comes to predators, so...huh. What the hell.

Clearly he should find a stick and poke it or something. Too bad there aren't any sticks within arm's reach.

Meanwhile, nagging in the back of his mind, he recalls Cooper saying something about dragons...

...oh, hell no.]

This thing is yours?

I'm a forensic pathologist. Does that answer your question, or do I need to break it down into bite-size words for you?

Yes, a viking.

[Because duh. And then she shrugs at the question.]

Apparently. He's been following me around since I woke up. Hey!

[This shout gets the Axew's attention, and he twists around to stare at her. She snaps her fingers and he scurries back and plops down next to her...for a moment, before he starts gnawing on a rock.]

You've got one too.

[She must have meant the dog.]

[Oh, so it's well-trained, at least. Still, Albert's just kind of looking over the Axew, making note of its physiology and that rock-chewing habit it's got...hm.]

You let it keep that up, and it's not going to be eating for long.

[Not that he's an expert in Pokemon evolutionary tendencies ~~yet~~, but with tusks like that, it's pretty unlikely her thing is a carnivore, and if it breaks out all its teeth on the rock, it won't be grinding down the plants into anything manageable for its digestive system anytime soon.

Or so he hypothesizes.]

What, you got whisked off to Never Never Land, too?

Gandhina.

_{[He corrects almost absently. No worries, Pooch - Coop knows your real name.]}

There are no hotels in New Bark. I suggest you either make nice with Mom or find something to do outside.

_{[That this is his only correction naturally means that yep, that's about right.]}

I've taken four of them away from him so far, he keeps finding more. [She actually sighs.] I found some sticks but he chewed through them. I'll find more later.

[She would, but keeping up with the chewing habits of a baby pokemon was apparently kind of daunting.]

Yes. I woke up in there two hours ago.

[She thumbs at Mom's house.]

[OH. YES. THAT ONE. THAT IS A NICE NAME PICK THAT ONE MISTER NEW TRAINER PERSON PICK THAT ONE PICK THAT ONE.

Meanwhile, Albert is trying to decide where the hell to even start with these latest remarks.]

...Did you just name my dog Gandhina?

[Evidently, we're starting with the most absurd first. ~~Funny how suddenly it's his dog, isn't it...~~]

Yeah, and an unattended toddler will stick a fork in an electrical socket, but it's still your job to stop him every time he tries. Those are just the hard breaks that come with being a single teenage mother.

[Meanwhile, the Poochyena is wagging her tail at this talk of sticks, because she would very much like to chase a stick, actually, and thank you.]

What spiel did she give you?

It's a dragon, not a baby. [Astrid was of the opinion dragons were generally hard to break. Which they certainly were back home. And then she shrugged and held up a hand.]

Pokemon adventure, this one is mine, here have some pokegear, go see the world.

...I was only half listening, really.

So you're a Viking and the resident expert on dragons.

[Sure you are. BUT MEANWHILE, the Poochyena is going to take off running for a clump of trees, leaving Albert vaguely torn between following (not chasing, just following) after her, or just letting her go.]

You can add "find civilization" to your list. You're not related to Erik the Red, are you?

Not an expert, but I had one back home. She was...bigger.

[And could fly. She turns to watch the pooch running off, and then sighs as the Axew goes bounding after it. But at least he isn't chewing on the rock for the moment.]

Apparently there's a larger town a few days walk from here.

[Not that Astrid had any experience with towns bigger than this one, really, but she wasn't going to say that.]

[Great, now they're both going. Guess that decides it; he starts walking after the dog, leaving it up to Astrid whether or not to tag along. Frankly, he doesn't particularly care if she does either way.]

Yeah, on a dirt path through the middle of some uncharted forest. You can play Little Red Riding Hood all you want. I'm waiting for a ride.

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001 | New Bark Town | Video;

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