worktodo | 001 | New Bark Town

[Good morning, Johto! Today, for your viewing pleasure, we have...what appears to be the rather dark and damp interior of a Poochyena's mouth, complete with glistening teeth and a tiny smear of drool at the edge of the camera feed. Not a very decent view, but that's okay, because there's plenty of audio to make up for that — and it seems we've tuned in right in the middle of some rather belligerent ranting...]

—ow what kind of game you're playing here, lady, but I have neither the time nor the patience to stand around while some overzealous kitchen marm tries to stuff me full of animal crackers and ship me off to elementary school. I want to know who you are, I want to know where I am, and most importantly I want to know how the hell you got me here to this godforsaken boondocks in the first place. I have plenty of work to do, and I do not have time for your inane prattle. Just give me some answers so I can be on my way.

[There is some background chatter here, which careful listeners may recognize as Mom's standard speech.]

Listen, June Cleaver, I'll make this very clear: I could not care less about these Puggymans you insist on rambling continuously about. The question is simple: where the hell am I?

[More background chatter! Are we sensing a trend?]

Hn. Forget it.

[Footsteps begin to tap across the linoleum, and in response, the camera begins to shake; evidently, the owner of those teeth is trotting over to give her own greeting to this rather angry newcomer to Johto. And it appears, when the footsteps pause, that he's just noticed her.]

What do you want?

[More shaking of the camera, and then suddenly there is bright light and a whole lot of twisting and rotating as the man apparently takes the Gear out of the dog's mouth and turns it over in his hand, twisting it every which way and tapping it as he inspects it. People who get motion sickness, this is really not the video for you.]

...what is this, a toy or some kind of Star Trek — HELLO.

[And hopefully no one had their volume turned up on their gear, because the man holding it is using his Outside Voice as he addresses the microphone that is apparently about three inches away from his face at the moment.]

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR ME, MR. SCOTT?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[That's okay, he has more than enough RAEG for all of you.

And then some.

Basically if you could turn sheer annoyance into a power source, Albert would be solving America's energy crisis right about now.]

What I need to do is get the hell out of this boondocks and back to a place whose local population has evolved somewhere past hunter/gatherer status. If you know where that is, feel free to share with the class.

Try one of the cities.

There's restaurants, hotels, indoor plumbing... the works.

... Bit of a hike, but as long as you don't get eaten by a grue...

Three days by forest path, right?

Mostly, yep.

No roads.

And suddenly Twin Peaks starts looking like a teeming metropolis.

[Man, he hates it here so much.]

Don't tell me it's because everybody here gets around by dragon.

What?

Dude, dragon?

Psht.

Come on, get real.

_{[A beat.]}

Giant birds are the fave around here.

_{[GET WITH THE TIMES ALBERT.]}

[She remarks, to the guy from 1989.]

Even better. At least birds have the benefit of actually existing.

_{[To be fair, she doesn't know that yet.]}

There's a LOT of things that exist around here that probably shouldn't, just for the record.

Might wanna get used to it.

And apparently one of the things that doesn't exist is an appreciation for the importance of specifics. You want to elaborate on that?

Soulless ghost cicadas that send you into comas.

_{[How's THAT for specific, Mr. Picky?]}

[HEATHER, IF ONLY THIS FACE COULD BE CONVEYED VIA AUDIO.

No, really, he's seriously just making this face at his Gear at the moment. Can you feel his withering disdain in his silence?]

_{[SHE CAN, but it's nbd. He'll find out the reality of this place soon enough. ... But hopefully not via soul-stealing Shedinja.]}

... True story.

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