worktodo | 010 | Saffron City

010 | Saffron City | Video;

[The video here opens with a shot of Albert's lab, rendered sideways and slightly covered in drool, as viewed from somewhere vaguely floor-level — which would lead to the logical conclusion that the Gear must've come on as a result of Gandhina fetching it, and it's just been deposited at its current vantage point courtesy of its shaggy, overenthusiastic courier.

Albert, at least, doesn't seem to have noticed he's being filmed; he's busy crouching a short distance away, fiddling with something that the camera angle can't quite make out.]

All right, you little bouncy pig, let's see how you're doing.

[He proceeds to shuffle around with something, accompanied by the occasional squeaky oink of what is presumably the aforementioned bouncy pig in question; meanwhile, Gandhina's shaggy nose appears on camera, cheerfully depositing what look like a couple of Ping-Pong-ball-sized Pokeballs near the Gear before disappearing again.]

Looks good...looks okay...yeah. Okay. Ready to get mobile again? Yeah, I know, this is asking a lot of a pig so phenomenally stupid from a basic evolutionary standpoint, but let's shoot for the stars here, huh? All right, get your little...hand over there...damn, it's not long enough. Impy, go get a couple of popsicle sticks out of the kitchen —

[Gandhina's nose reappears again; more of the balls are deposited. A few seconds later, a Sableye appears with the requested popsicle sticks and hands them over, and now the sound of ripping tape can be heard.]

Better? Good. Then we'll just get you secured...

[More ripping tape; more eager oinking.]

There. All right, go on, you little pipsqueak.

[And with that, Albert gets to his feet, unintentionally unveiling — what appears to be a Spoink with its little chest wrapped in bandages, seated comfortably in a little chair and harness apparatus, which is in turn secured to the top of a brightly-colored RC car with big rubber treads. The controller, in turn, is secured in front of the chair and harness in about the place that a steering wheel would be, and the joystick controls now have popsicle sticks affixed to them, putting them in reach of the Spoink's tiny arms.

After a moment of fumbling, the Spoink manages to get one of the levers pushed forward, and the car whirs to life, driving forward and jerking to a stop about a foot ahead of its previous position. It tries again; after a few similar false starts, the electric whine picks up and the RC car hurtles out of sight, taking one exceedingly delighted Spoink with it.]

That's gonna get real obnoxious real fast. ...Ah, hell. It's still better than having it bounce all over the damn place. Who the hell comes up with — hmph. At least it looks like the pacemaker's doing its job.

[He turns around, apparently about to get back to work on his next project, and as Gandhina's nose reappears for a third time, suddenly Albert takes notice of her handiwork.]

...Dammit, Gandhina, did you fetch every one in the damn yard?!

[And as a pair of happy puppy jaws close over the Gear, the video ends.]

[OOC: ~~I can't believe I am actually writing this sentence but~~ Spoink lifesaving pacemaker installation is mod-approved. Action for anyone on the Justice Farm is, as always, welcome. o/]

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[Albert gets treated to a shot of Thor looking less than resplendent now in a black t-shirt and blue flannel, having decided Midgardian clothing may be more comfortable, in the long run.

He might look very much like one of the good ol boys working in the sawmill in Twin Peaks, just sayin. That image holds until he opens his mouth and starts speaking: with his formal words and nigh-Shakespearian diction and all, he sounds very little like a backwoods lumberjack for all that he dresses like one.]

What manner of device is that?

[Oh, great, it's a lumberjack who thinks he's Macbeth. Chopping down the forest is certainly one way of keeping Birnam Wood from removing to Dunsinane, he'll give you that, bro.]

What? The car? It's radio-controlled.

It is very small. I have not seen a Midgardian vehicle of its like before. It is meant to be a plaything?

[He doesn't know what 'radio controlled' means, Albert dear.]

[On the one hand, that's one of the strangest things Gordon's seen here. On the other, it's also one of the neatest things he's seen in this place.]

THAT'S AMAZING, ALBERT. I HAD NO IDEA THAT POKEMON COULD DRIVE.

Yeah, it's a toy. Or in this case it's a medical aid, but that — did you say Midgardian?

[And just think how this shows how far he's come since arriving in Johto. Once he patently refused to tolerate even the slightest interactions with his Pokemon. NOW HE BUILDS POWER WHEELS FOR THEM.]

ANYTHING TO KEEP IT FROM BOUNCING AROUND THE WAY IT USED TO, GORDON.

Indeed I did. My apologies, I sometimes forget to use your name for your realm.

[He does look kind of sheepish at that. Maybe.]

The hell do you mean, my realm? What kind of — oh, don't tell me. Don't even tell me. 'Cause I bet you're about to say you're some Norse god, right?

[Just lookit that sarcasm dripping off his tone, man.]

I am Thor Odinson, and the ancients of that area of Earth once hailed me as a god, yes.

[He's not going to say he is a god, because he kinda doesn't think of himself that way?]

_{[... Wow, that sure is a tiny little pig in a remote-controlled car.]}

... Okay, I don't know if that thing has a nickname already or not, but if you don't take advantage of this opportunity to have a Pokemon named Racin' Bacon, I don't know what to say to you.

WHY'S THAT?

[He's not really familiar with Spoink's bouncing issues.]

WAS THE POUNCING THAT MUCH OF A PROBLEM?

[Also, he may have misheard something.]

Yeah, and I'm Mother Theresa.

[GDI, Albert, way to seal your fate there.]

Okay, fine, Mighty Thor. I'll bite. When did you get here?

BOUNCING. WITH A B, LIKE IN "BIOLOGICAL NIGHTMARE". OR AS IN "BOY, OH, BOY, WHAT A MESS."

THE THING DOESN'T HAVE FEET, AND IT BOUNCES TO PUMP ITS HEART. STOP IT FROM BOUNCING AND THE DAMN THING GOES INTO CARDIAC ARREST.

[Oh, look, it's you, the keeper of the bird who taught Clara to call him "motherfucker". YUP, SURE IS NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.]

It already answers to "Cardiac Arrest". Name's not really applicable anymore thanks to the pacemaker, but it is what it is.

[Eyebrow. ~~Someone didn't escape learning sarcasm, between Loki and Tony. Thor's a generally quick study.~~]

Ah, I had thought that 'mother' was a title of respect for women of repute, or those who had borne children. Evidently I was mistaken, and I bow to your greater knowledge in the area.

[He's going to call you Theresa forever now.]

Approximately three weeks ago, near to the beginning of this month.

[Albert and Tony would be a formidable combination. Particularly considering their respective naming habits in Pokemon.]

Oh, look, the delusional lumberjack's got a sense of humor.

[AND NO ONE WAS SURPRISED.]

Aren't you supposed to be functionally omnipotent?

[Everyone thinks he's delusional, sob. He's the sane Odinson brother, come on now.]

If the tales tell it that way, that is certainly something they were mistaken about. It would be more rightly associated with my father or Heimdall.

Heimdall's the one who keeps watch for Ragnarok, right?

[And it's not like he needs to elaborate on who Odin is.]

You should tell him he missed it. We already had it about three months ago.

Heimdall is the Guardian of Asgard, and the keeper of the Bifrost.

[As for Ragnarok, he has no idea what that is. The movies haven't mentioned it and the comics say it's a cyclical thing where no one remembers wtf happened and he had no idea until Odin's giant sentient severed eyeball told him so, so either way it's an unknown to him.]

As for the matter of Ragnarok, you have the advantage in that I have not read the tales of which you are speaking, nor have I experienced them.

_{[NICE TO SEE YOU TOO, GRUMPY. Just be glad it was 'motherfucker' and not 'shitlord'.]}

Pfffuh. Lame.

At least name the car Racin' Bacon.

No, lame is not being able to stop bouncing because natural selection somehow goofed so damn bad that the mechanism that pumps your heart ended up being a spring in your butt. Praise be to technology, we managed to rebuild the damn thing and it didn't even cost six million dollars. Science marches on.

Lucky you. I'll give you a hint: it involves a lot of snow.

[Okay, okay he's got it now.

Wait.]

SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT IF THIS THING STOPS BOUNCING, THEN ITS HEART GIVES OUT?

[That's...wow. He's glad he doesn't have one of those.]

Not saying your invention isn't awesome, just saying I know a severely missed opportunity when I see one.

Oh well.

So he gets to whiz around in a racecar 24/7 now?

SURE AM, CHIEF. AT LEAST, IT USED TO. NOW THE DAMN THING'S GOT A PACEMAKER.

[Because he is NOTHING BUT BOSS, thank you very much.]

She.

And the whole goal was to get her to stop bouncing around underfoot. Sure, I could've just taped her to the wall or something now that she doesn't need to bounce to keep her heart going, but it doesn't really seem fair to completely deprive a little bouncy pig of all its mobility, now does it.

[That's surprisingly charitable of you, Albert. Are you feeling okay?]

Pretty damn good driver, too, for a pig.

_{[Yeah, she's sort of noticed. It's not like he's suddenly sunshine and flowers or anything, but he seems distinctly less... enraged than normal.]}

Well, the fact that she could even figure out how to work it seems pretty incredible.

She needs a little derby track out in the yard or something where she can practice Tokyo Drifting and stuff.

_{[Yep. Tokyo drifting and stuff.]}

I trained a rat to stand up and dance when and only when it heard Journey on the radio. I can train a pig to push a couple levers around.

[...wat.]

What the hell is a Tokyo drift?

It's when you're driving and you do a big exaggerated turn where you're like... skidding, but it's controlled, so if you do it right you can do these awesome turns without having to slow down.

_{[... And before you ask, no, Heather's never done one. Unless you count unintentional near-accidents on icy Maine roads in the middle of winter. Those driving lessons were fun.]}

SO NOW IT CAN GET AROUND WITHOUT BOUNCING.

[Yup. He's totally got this.]

THAT'S A BRILLIANT SOLUTION, ALBERT.

[Well, it's not like he's not gonna accept the praise, especially coming from Gordon. Good thing audio means no one can see him preening.]

ASSUMING WE CAN ALL TOLERATE HAVING HER ZIPPING AROUND UNDERFOOT IN THAT RACE CAR OF HERS.

What, intentional fishtailing?

[Leave it to the Japanese to come up with all kinds of wacky ideas about driving, apparently. #American egotism]

Why would you want to do that?

JUDGING BY THE VIDEO, I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT FLIPPING. AT LEAST NOT ANYTIME SOON.

[Wouldn't that be something though? The world's first Spoink stuntcar driver.]

[Flippi—wait no okay that was just Gordon mishearing, and not him voicing an actual concern about the center of gravity of the RC car. Although come to think of it, putting a pig behind the wheel without giving it any semblance of driver's training is kind of irresponsi...

Wait a minute. He's talking about a biologically implausible springbutt pig. Seriousness is right out.]

WE'RE JUST ON THE TEST RUN, ANYWAY. IF SHE DOES FLIP IT, I'LL ADJUST THE CAR TO COMPENSATE.

TEST RUN. GOT IT.

[So no flipping.]

HERE'S HOPING IT GOES WELL.

WE'LL KEEP OUR FINGERS CROSSED, BOSS.

Well for one thing, it can be pretty handy if you're in a car chase and wanna gain a little ground by not having to lose speed when you turn.

_{[She is pretty much assuming that it's inevitable that Cardiac Arrest will wind up in a car chase eventually. Because there is literally no way you can put a miniature pig in a tiny race car and NOT be subject to Heartwarming Animal-Related Comedy tropes.]}

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010 | Saffron City | Video;

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