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Entry tags:
- and why is he so angry,
- approaching canon levels of absurdity,
- arceus help you all,
- best coworkers ever,
- everything is stupid forever,
- here to kick ass and autopsy bodies,
- hit the deck it's agent rosenflower,
- i love you but only like gandhi,
- i'm here the day is saved,
- i've got work to do dammit,
- like sherman in atlanta,
- making labcoats sexy since 1989,
- nothing but shenanigans forever,
- shenanigans are imminent,
- so i heard you like manhugs,
- stocking up on aspirin,
- this is all coop's fault somehow,
- welcome to the justice farm of science,
- where the hell is my lab,
- ▶ saffron city
011 | Saffron City | Action;
[So here's Albert.
Since coming to Johto, Albert's seen a lot of wacky shit go down. He's seen people mutating into some kind of hideous hybrid creature from an airborne mutant virus. He's seen ledges that defy the laws of physics. He's seen dragons and dinosaurs and aliens. He's seen people who claim beyond a shadow of a doubt to be actual ponies. He's been yelled at by a teenage Viking. He's been flown all over creation on a bird with clouds for wings and carried forcibly around by a giant green sparklegrizzly and endured patently stupid roadtrips that involved caves and forests and god only knows what else. He's been taunted by ghosts. He's been assaulted with puppies. He's fallen in a really big hole.
He's survived the freaking Armageddon and still didn't let it ruin Christmas.
And now, here on the third day of this latest bout of flagrant insanity, in his quiet home in Saffron City with a brand new swimming pool sparkling in the yard and a snarling levitating three-hundred-pound flesh-eating snowflake snapping at the end of its chain near the outhouse, he is stepping outside to collect himself with a cup of coffee and a moment's peace—
...
And there is a BIG DAMN TREE TRANSPLANTED RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF HIS FORMERLY PRISTINE SIDEWALK, and WHEN THE HELL DID THAT GET THERE and WHO THE HELL EVEN RIPS UP A TREE AND—
...
...
Silently, Albert sips his coffee.
Just another day in Johto, apparently.]
Since coming to Johto, Albert's seen a lot of wacky shit go down. He's seen people mutating into some kind of hideous hybrid creature from an airborne mutant virus. He's seen ledges that defy the laws of physics. He's seen dragons and dinosaurs and aliens. He's seen people who claim beyond a shadow of a doubt to be actual ponies. He's been yelled at by a teenage Viking. He's been flown all over creation on a bird with clouds for wings and carried forcibly around by a giant green sparklegrizzly and endured patently stupid roadtrips that involved caves and forests and god only knows what else. He's been taunted by ghosts. He's been assaulted with puppies. He's fallen in a really big hole.
He's survived the freaking Armageddon and still didn't let it ruin Christmas.
And now, here on the third day of this latest bout of flagrant insanity, in his quiet home in Saffron City with a brand new swimming pool sparkling in the yard and a snarling levitating three-hundred-pound flesh-eating snowflake snapping at the end of its chain near the outhouse, he is stepping outside to collect himself with a cup of coffee and a moment's peace—
...
And there is a BIG DAMN TREE TRANSPLANTED RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF HIS FORMERLY PRISTINE SIDEWALK, and WHEN THE HELL DID THAT GET THERE and WHO THE HELL EVEN RIPS UP A TREE AND—
...
...
Silently, Albert sips his coffee.
Just another day in Johto, apparently.]
[action]
...wait a minute, it's Sunday.
WELP, BETTER GO RUNNING AND SEE WHAT — oh, lord almighty, the attack snowflake is at it again.]
The hell?!
[Meanwhile, the gun whacks Friendzone right in the crystallized "face", and for a moment it looks stunned.
And then it proceeds to start trying to eat the gun.]
Get out of the chain's reach, genius!
[Here's Albert, bookin' it to try to get in and help drag Blake out before Friendzone remembers there is delicious flesh to be had.]
[action]
That's what I'm trying to do, asshole!
[Once Blake is half-run, half-dragged out of range, he notices that, hey, it's that other cop from a while back.] This thing is yours?! You have fucking terrible taste in pets. I thought it was gonna bite my goddamn legs off.
Tell it to drop my gun! [He loves that gun.]
[action]
[He feels it necessary to point this out, even mid-crisis. Friendzone continues to gnash and spit a minute, but ultimately realizes that a Sig Sauer is not flesh, and spits it reasonably unharmed back onto the grass.
Hungerrrrrrr.]
What am I supposed to do, call animal control on a four-foot snowflake?!
[action]
[Blake edges closer, making sure he's out of range of the chain, and quickly snatches up his poor, abused gun.]
[It's...sticky.]
[Blake dangles it from his fingers as his lip twists in disgust]
Fucking snowflake spit.
[action]
[And that's sounding pretty violent, Blake, which is why Albert is going to turn his eyes back to the snowflake at the end of the suddenly lax, silent chain and—
Wait.
Suddenly lax, silent chain?
...And for that matter, where'd the snowflake go.
No really it was right there a minute ago where is the snowflake.]
Oh, hell.
[action]
[He doesn't need to yell as loud, since it got quieter.]
[How did it get quieter?]
[Blake turns slowly back toward where the monster was.]
Oh. Hell.
[action]
Where a killer snowflake should be.]
...Hightail it for the house or the roof, whatever's closer and less likely to get us all killed trying to get there.
[action]
[This is the fastest he's moved in years. Maneating snowmonsters are a great motivator.]
Roof! No hands, thing can't climb!
[he spares the time to throw a glance at Albert]
Can it?