worktodo | 001 | New Bark Town

[Good morning, Johto! Today, for your viewing pleasure, we have...what appears to be the rather dark and damp interior of a Poochyena's mouth, complete with glistening teeth and a tiny smear of drool at the edge of the camera feed. Not a very decent view, but that's okay, because there's plenty of audio to make up for that — and it seems we've tuned in right in the middle of some rather belligerent ranting...]

—ow what kind of game you're playing here, lady, but I have neither the time nor the patience to stand around while some overzealous kitchen marm tries to stuff me full of animal crackers and ship me off to elementary school. I want to know who you are, I want to know where I am, and most importantly I want to know how the hell you got me here to this godforsaken boondocks in the first place. I have plenty of work to do, and I do not have time for your inane prattle. Just give me some answers so I can be on my way.

[There is some background chatter here, which careful listeners may recognize as Mom's standard speech.]

Listen, June Cleaver, I'll make this very clear: I could not care less about these Puggymans you insist on rambling continuously about. The question is simple: where the hell am I?

[More background chatter! Are we sensing a trend?]

Hn. Forget it.

[Footsteps begin to tap across the linoleum, and in response, the camera begins to shake; evidently, the owner of those teeth is trotting over to give her own greeting to this rather angry newcomer to Johto. And it appears, when the footsteps pause, that he's just noticed her.]

What do you want?

[More shaking of the camera, and then suddenly there is bright light and a whole lot of twisting and rotating as the man apparently takes the Gear out of the dog's mouth and turns it over in his hand, twisting it every which way and tapping it as he inspects it. People who get motion sickness, this is really not the video for you.]

...what is this, a toy or some kind of Star Trek — HELLO.

[And hopefully no one had their volume turned up on their gear, because the man holding it is using his Outside Voice as he addresses the microphone that is apparently about three inches away from his face at the moment.]

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR ME, MR. SCOTT?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Ssssstop doing that! I promise you that you're going to regret thisss!

I already regret that you're wasting my time, pal.

You're telling me everybody in this burg is so downright saintly that nobody murders anybody else. Ever.

Really.

I don't need to cut a deal with you, you just got here. What would you even have to trade me?

[Sounding sort of huffy there. Psshh, he's from Amestris, land of Equivalent Exchange; he doesn't back out of deals if he wants to make one.]

Who knows? Something stupid like strength of will, probably. Or just of how well you can train your monsters.

{Wow no this guys needs a huge fucking punch in the face.}

Well, sir, have you considered that perhaps being a little bit less abrasive and over-aggressive may in fact garner better results than simply being a loud-mouthed bottom-dwelling insult to humanity?

{Is it me or did the temperature just drop a few degrees?}

Well...I'm sure somebody could break your legs and tie you to a bed or something...but what I mean is, I don't think you can die. My friend had her soul taken...but she got better.

Your time won't be the only thing wasted if you keep mocking me!

Here's an idea. Why don't you go practice walking without dragging your knuckles on the floor, and I'll get back to things that actually matter.

Specific.

[Henry, have you been thinking about how to murder people lately or what.]

Don't tell me this place is rife with supernatural mumbo-jumbo too.

So you're saying whoever or whatever did this threw us into the middle of some kind of chest-beating dominance challenge with no rules and no explanation of how to even win it once we've done it?

Sure. That makes sense.

[Good thing he's cold-blooded. And, y'know, unable to be fazed.]

Beating around the bush isn't going to get me answers any faster. And neither is having people like you turn up to do nothing but rubberneck and state the obvious, which you would've done anyway, no matter how loud I was.

_{[The photographer gives Albert a tired, long-suffering look.]}

There's ghosts...ghost pokemon. Same thing...which does'nt make any sense because you'd need to die first to be a ghost...but the game was for kids. It wasn't supposed to make sense.

Okay, here's an idea, how about we try following a coherent line of thought when explaining things from now on. What about ghosts?

Stop insulting me! Do you have any idea what you're doing right now? If I were you, I'd apologize now while you ssstill have the chance!

I've got plenty of idea what I'm doing right now, pal. I'm wasting my time talking to some hissing half-wit who couldn't find his own head if it weren't attached to his shoulders. I have plenty of work to get done and none of it's happening by standing here listening to you flap your gums, so I suggest you either start spouting something useful or get the hell out of my way.

_{[Henry frowns. He just can't come up with an answer to satisfy this guy!]}

Ghost-type pokemon. The little monsters here are split up into types like fire, grass, electric...ghost is one of them.

[Well, what do you know, maybe the shut-in's good for something after all. No point in wasting a potentially viable line of questioning; he turns the video on his Gear to face his Poochyena, who is still sitting pleasantly at his feet.]

And this is one of them. What type is this? Other than "dog", I've got that much on my own.

That? Uh...I don't actually know anyone who has one of those. But you can use the thing we're talking on to see what kind it is. It can tell you a lot, like how old it is, if it's sick, if it's a boy or a girl...stuff like that.

_{[He wonders if there really is a 'dog type'. It wouldn't surprise him. There was Dragon type, which had always, always bugged him.]}

[Oh. Is it ranting time now?]

Lisssten here whoever you are! I am not a half wit! I’ll repeat myself sssince clearly you chose not to pay attention the first time! I am Cobra Commander and getting on my bad side is a very poor choice to make! Unfortunately for you, you chose to not only ignore my warnings, but to continue to insult and make a mockery of me! And if you want me to ssspout something useful, then let me give you some advice! That was the worst decision you could have ever made! From thisss moment on, you can consider yourself added to a very exclusive list! The list of people I will one day destroy!

[Not the Team Rocket list though. The much longer one he keeps listing those who have dared to insult him, argue with him, or just irritate him.]

And once you’re on that list, there’s only one way you will ever leave it!

Yeah, thanks, I can figure that out by looking at it. Got anything a little more useful?

[Use the thing they're talking on? What kind of Star Trek gizmo is this?]

Nice recap. What are you, some kind of comic-book villain?

[ALBERT, IF YOU ONLY KNEW.]

...Find a good pair of walking shoes because there's no cars.

So they can hand out doohickeys like these like it's Christmas, but somehow nobody thought to invent the combustion engine?

I think I saw a bus...once. But you either gotta hoof it or get a pokemon big enough to carry you.

Yeah, I've heard about Dragon Air. Where are you supposed to pick up something that big?

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